My First Love

"You are the first love to open my heart

Every hope, every dream comes alive"

~Shine by Bethel

There is no better story I could write than to honor my first love. My story is not your typical love story filled with hopeless romance and blissful beginnings. What my story does have is love letters, relentless pursuit, and a ravished heart unlike what I ever imagined possible. Just go with me for a moment as I set the stage to give you, my friend, a better understanding.

I was only twelve years old, and I was quite literally creating the meaning of awkward years with my braces, glasses, and string-bean-like physique. To focus on only my outer appearance would in fact do me a great justice, because my inner self was even worse off. I was a broken vessel if there ever was one. Don't assume yet that I was completely hopeless, because I knew with all my being how to put on the fake smile and be who everyone expected me to be. Not a soul on earth knew my struggles or how deeply my heart and spirit were broken. Until he pursued me.

He pursued me when I was not worth His pursuing.

Looking back I realize he was always after my heart. You see, prior to turning twelve I had met him several times before. I guess you could say I grew up as an acquaintance of his. My Nana and Pop knew him, and they introduced me to him as often as possible. It is as though they already had it set in their hearts for me and him to develop a relationship. I can see now, all these years later, how he had his eyes and heart set on me long before I took notice in return. It did not matter in the least bit to him how fortified my heart had become to the world around me. He knew exactly what it would take to bring down my walls. He had it set in His heart to mend my broken heart. So it goes, at twelve years old I finally decided to allow him in, and our relationship began.

Now, here we are almost 15 years later, and He is still my first and forever love. On that day, when I finally accepted the Lord into my heart, He completely changed my life. He loved and accepted me just as I was, even the parts I tried to hide. You see, I was suffering from years of abuse from someone who "should" have loved and protected me. The path that experience put me on was one of deep confusion, self-loathing, and isolation.

I did not know how to accept love, but He chased after my heart anyways.

He never gave up on who He created me to be. Or the person He saw me as.

Had it not been for Christ, He only knows who I would be today. My best guess is I'd be in and out of relationships, addicted to something or another, if not already dead from the suicidal thoughts that haunted me for years. The best part is, I did not have to fix myself in order to earn His love for me. I did not have to change my past for Him to accept me. He did the fixing when I decided to love and accept Him back. He changed my future. The deep parts of me I once thought were hidden by my fake smiles mattered to Him. He noticed. He knew. He cared.

In every area of struggle it has been His love and closeness that has caused me to overcome.

It is in all glory to God that today I am a wife, mother, and living alive! The pain of my past, what the enemy meant for evil, and even the mistakes I have made along the way are tossed to the depths of the sea. He has set me free, and for that I can not keep our love story quiet. He gave me life when I didn't even want life anymore. Take it a step further; He didn't just give me life, but He gave me a blessed and fulfilled life full of joy.

I share my love story because if he cared about me then, I know He most certainly cares about you. His love letters are available in His Word for anyone willing to listen. He is pursuing you too if you'd only take a moment to realize it. If you allow Him His love will open your heart, renew your hope, and set you free to live fully loved!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity. ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

#life #religion #christianity #jesus #God #love #truth #relationships #abuse #overcome